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Bridging Science and Spirit

by Victoria Maxwell

I n other cases, certain individuals display symptoms that resemble mental disorders, but are typical of classic spiritual experiences. For myself, I believe I underwent a combination of both.

D ue to the recent influx of Eastern practices such as yoga and meditation, little known phenomena such as Kundalini awakenings and other spiritual "emergencies" are becoming more common in the West. When a Kundalini crisis occurs, displaying symptoms similar to a Bi-Polar disorder or psychosis, or occurs simultaneously with a mental illness, we are left to define them by our limited medical Western terms.

A system, according to Dr. David Lukoff, that is quite insensitive to the spiritual nature of many experiences. Ours is a system that tends to pathologize. Understandably so: many experiences are not signs of positive transformation, but of disease and are potentially extremely destructive. Bearing that in mind, we still need a diagnostic field broad enough to include those occurrences that are positive and growth producing.

D r. Lukoff, with psychiatrists Frances Lu and Robert Turner, proposed a new diagnostic code for the DSM-IV: V62.89 Religious or Spiritual Problems. In 1994, the recommendation was accepted. For the first time, spiritually related happenings, as well spiritual crises co-existing with mental illness, gained formal recognition by the medical community.

Having such information from professionals in the medical field helped put my experience into a meaningful context, giving my ordeal purpose and place.

Over the course of three years, I had three more episodes that required hospitalization and one that required a stay at Magnolia House, a supervised care facility. Throughout each incident, I continued to experience further ontological realizations, unusual body sensations, bouts of inspired creativity and bliss, mudras (involuntary yogic hand postures) and I began to see color.

O n each occasion I was aware when I was disconnected from reality, yet I remained powerless at the time, to redirect myself. Between each 'psychotic' encounter, I endured bouts of deep depression. Hence the diagnosis of Bi-Polar illness.

Those around me, except for a select few, saw only negative consequences. In contrast, I recognized that portions of the experiences held benefit.

With every episode, I gained awareness, more compassion for myself and others and a deeper, more loving connection to Life. Although I continued to have intense ups and downs for an additional five or six years, my relationship to them changed and improved.

P resently, the manias are almost non-existent and the depressions are far fewer, shorter in duration and much less sever. The surges of Kundalini energy are subtle and non-intrusive and the colors I see no longer trouble me.

It's been six years since my last major psychosis. Today I regulate my own medication, and have since decreased the amounts I take. I initially resisted taking medication, but eventually saw the benefit. It helped me regain a certain level of functioning and ego strength, which allowed me to return to the psychotherapy and spiritual questioning necessary for me to heal.

I studied under Shamanistic teacher, Denise Richard, for two years and studied Rieki, Massage and Qi Gong. I took time to re-evaluate my definition of God and continue to integrate the insights I have. I incorporate exercise, creativity and prayer into my life on a daily basis.

E specially paramount, has been balancing my metaphysical concerns with the more mundane tasks of life. At certain phases, my well being depends on a more practical approach to life. I withdraw temporarily from meditation and 'cosmic' questioning. Instead, I concentrate on the 'meat and potatoes' of life. Priorities originally included: finding satisfying work, adequate transportation, a suitable living situation and a strong social circle. From this solid foundation, I can revisit my old metaphysical 'stomping' ground with greater discernment and security.

I do not separate spirituality from the Bi-Polar disorder. They are inextricably interwoven. Incorporating Eastern and Western perspectives has led me to a place of profound comfort and freedom. They remain two pillars of wisdom that, when linked, allows me to live a rich and compelling life. A rewarding life that affords me the privilege to work, to contribute, to be creative, to love and to be loved, like any other individual.

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Victor Maxwell

Is a playwright, actor, and speaker. She also works as a mental health worker at the Kettle Friendship Society and the North shore Canadian Mental Health Association. Presently, she is performing her one-woman play: The Truth Shall Set You Free...but first it'll piss you off at various Canadian venues, and writing a memoir that deals with her experience of mental illness and spirituality.

Copyright © 2001
First published in Visions - BC's Mental Health Journal Spring 2001 Issue

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