Picking up the pieces on my way
to becoming a masterpiece

by Jim Gifford

Many years ago, I was an ambitious university student, involved in a serious relationship and generally leading an active live. All of this changed dramatically when I had a psychicepiphany and was diagnosed by the psychiatric profession as suffering from sever chronic manic-depression.

I had experienced a 'breakthrough breakdown,' a spiritual emergency that caused upheaval and dis-ease. Asylums, heavy medication and therapy became the staples of my existence. Looking back, I realize the illness provided an escape hatch from an untenable life.

To help keep on an even keel, I availed myself of the benefits The System offers. Placed on a handicapped pension, I openly accepted care from health professionals, got $100 a month for volunteer work, obtained a facility pass for recreation centers and had access to specialty events tickets. An important step was getting subsidized, independent housing through the Mental Patient's Association.

Yet something was missing. I felt no one needed me. Then suddenly, my mother had a stroke. I returned to her waterfront cottage at Crescent Beach and took over as her primary care giver, manager of the household and cook of all meals. Enhancing the situation, I got to go swimming in the ocean in front of our home.

My baths in the sea became regular events. A grounding activity, it was also a spiritual exercise for me, connecting me meditatively to Mother Nature. I sensed that real faith lay not in clinging to the Rock but learning to swim. As the ocean depths have symbolized the unconscious, one who succumbs may be seen as drowning while one who stays afloat by swimming may be seen as a survivor. A strong swimmer since childhood, I felt metaphorically this athletic talent enabled me to recover from the struggles and trials of years past and connect profoundly with my inner being.

I have now regained a childlike intimacy with the primal rhythms of nature's mysteries: the four seasons; sunrises and sets; cycles of the moon; ebb and flow of ocean tides; mountains and rivers; flowers and trees; birds and animals; the myriad of stars. I have been granted a grace to contemplate the wonder and intricate simplicity of the world around me.

Because of my illness, I struggled to make ends meet and to face all life's challenges with a laughing equanimity. I found such a way in the nature philosophy of ancient China, Taoism. It teaches you to meet all circumstances with detachment and a sense of humor. We are all just playing our roles on the stage of life here and whether movie star or bag lady, it's all okay, just as it is.

Tonight somewhere there is a banquet. We have no food, but more time to gaze at the moon. Today I have mellowed into a deep awareness of the sacred and unique qualities of everyday people, places and things. Discovering a contentment and acceptance of my lot in life. I have nourished and nurtured my sanity, realizing we are all amusing and special in our idiosyncrasies. We are all works of art, in the process of becoming masterpieces.